trust

That overwhelming moment when you realize you NEED someone in your life.

Followed by that other moment (usually), where they decide they don’t really want YOU in their life.I hate that I get so attached to people so quickly. I constantly want to talk to them, know how they’re doing, make them happy, see them smile. I always worry if I should give them space, and when I do, I become distant. I don’t want to be. But it happens. I don’t want to get used to them being there because there is that chance they’ll get tired, or annoyed and leave. Or one day we’ll stop talking and I’ll wonder where I went wrong, or what I did to cause it .

People are layers and layers of secrets yo think you know everything about someone and then you discover something new . Something that they buried or kept hidden from you deep inside thier heart You will never really know someone but you have to decide that you trust them . I rarely trust I just could never open myself up to someone to completly reveal myself to them . But recently I have realized that my list has grown alot in a the past year . about the time I decided to stop pretending to be someone I am not and started being someone thta makes me happy and someone I am proud to be .

it is no coincidence that during moments of overwhelming emotion, we feel as if we have lost our language. it is then that we realize that there are not words for everything. that’s the thing about feeling, sometimes it can only be truly felt. emotion isn’t something to study and prepare for. it cannot be anticipated or predicted. it is an unstoppable freight train that ceases for no obstruction. the harder you fight it, the deeper the wound.

nonetheless, talking helps. although we will never be able to fully convey to another what we are feeling, our brains are organic vents that need to be released. a refusal to acknowledge what we feel, only leads to an inevitable rupture. like a volcano, really. you can play hide and seek for as long as you want, you’ll either be caught, or you’ll eventually give up.

but who can we talk to? if there is one thing in my life that has caused me sleepless nights, countless problems, and lost relationships, it’s knowing who to trust. no one is 100% trustworthy or honest. not a soul. as perfection is an imperfect idea, we are imperfect beings. i wish i had a solution to this problem. i wish i could even somehow explain how i’ve gone about trusting others with my deepest, darkest thoughts, but i have no answer. i still struggle with this. people change so frequently, and when distance grows between people, so does doubt. the best you can do is guess and check, and when you guess wrong, move on and find the courage to guess again.

people will forget, that’s what they do best.