Imagine how diffrent our life would be if we literally said everything we had on out mind out loud .

All we want is something to take away the pain, something to make things better. Something to make us smile. We want someone to love, someone who will be there, and we want a hand to hold. Not only is it what we want, it’s what we need. After a while, you get sick of being alone, and you get sick of the pain. That’s when we need someone to love. We need someone to walk into our life, and we need them to be there for us. They have to be there, and they have to give us good times and make us smile. They might make us sad once in a while, but as long as they usually take the pain away, that’s what matters It’s healthy to admit you’re not okay. It’s okay not to be okay. It’s brave. But don’t let it win. Be sad. Have your moment, your day or week. Then do something about it and be happy for yourself ..I still miss you, but not like I did before. The intense aching I felt isn’t there anymore. I still whisper your name, though not as often as I used to. Now it may be once before the day is through. I still hear your voice replaying in my mind, but it’s fading now. Soon, silence I will find. I still long for you, to feel your touch, but it’s not like before. I don’t dream it as much. I still think about you and wonder how you are, but my feelings have changed and they don’t go as far. I still feel you sometimes. Maybe you’re thinking of me or maybe it’s just a little memory of how it used to be. I still love you but it’s just not as strong because I’m letting you go now, so we can both move on. You still have a piece of my heart because I always feel you here. Now I’m hoping and praying that that, too, will quickly disappear. This will be my last goodbye, I’ve nothing else to say. Everything I felt for you can now just fade away

I mean, if you were to find a shattered mirror, find all the pieces, all the shards and all the tiny chips, and have whatever skill and patience it took to put all that broken glass back together so that it was complete once again, the restored mirror would still be spider webbed with cracks, it would still be a useless glued version of its former self, which could show only fragmented reflections of anyone looking into it. Some things are beyond repair. And that was me…Even though you may want to move forward in your life, theres always something holding you back. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life.The important thing is to not be bitter over life’s disappointments. Learn to let go of the past and recognize that every day won’t be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember that it is only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars lead you home The hurt began to fade and it was easier to just let go. At least I thought it was. But in every boy I met in the next few months, I found myself looking for you, and when the feelings got too strong I’d write you another letter. But I never sent them, in fear of what I might find. By then, you’d gone on with your life and I didn’t want to think about you loving someone else. I wanted to remember us like we were . I didn’t want to ever forget that.
Everyone has a certain part of their lives, where they truly wish they could just freeze time. Whether it was three years ago, today, or still to come. Whether it was just a moment, a whole day, or a whole summer. Everyone has a time in their life, when they wish everything would just stop. The world would stop turning and people would stop changing. Because to them, at that time, everything was perfect.

Pain comes in all forms. In the small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain, and the normal pains we live with everyday. Then there’s the kind of pain that you just can’t ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else. It makes the rest of the world fade away until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. We ride it out, embrace it, ignore it, run from it, and for some of us, the best way to manage the pain is to just push through it.

So, you’ll come across so many people in your life. Ones you think will stay in your life, stay with you forever. You come across people you will love, very much. But sometimes love isn’t enough to tackle all the obstacles in life and you will have to deal with the heartbreak of knowing that that person you love is gone and you’re left, alone, to try your very hardest to fall out of love. To do something you never thought you’d have to do. Just keep your head held high. Don’t let it get to you, don’t fall apart. Clear your heart and let it go. And when it comes around again, let love in. Because you never know.

Sometimes the only thing that people see is what you did. When in fact, they should be looking at why you did it.

https://www.facebook.com/RememberingSSgtToddNorth

This is a post I made on facebook on a sight we made for a friend of mine who was killed by a gunshot while protecting the patrons of the bar. I posted it here as well because well I want to go into detail a little .
I hate nights like tonight . Your wanting to sleep but your mind is racing, thinking, Wondering. Almost over thinking everything that has happened could happened and will happen . Tonight well over the past few weeks really I have encountered a lot of people who ask What if ? What if I had of been there ? They say “would things have changed?” would North still be with us ? The amount of people who feel the guilt ( for lack of a better word here ) of how if they had of been there things would have turned out different the uncertainty weighs heavily on my mind tonight of all night . My honest answer to the ones who will listen has always been you have no idea if you had of been there if things would have been different . No one really does I mean if they did we could make a fortune telling the future .. If you know me you know I have spent the better part of four plus years getting my Bachelors degree in world religion and you know my views of anything pertaining .I honestly do not know if things would be different if so and so had of been there . But I do know that No matter what religion you follow when your time on this earth is over its over. We all lost a great friend that night and dwelling on what you could have done or what you would have done is not going to bring North back . North died doing what he loved doing, protecting his friends and family he just cemented and proved what I and others have been telling him all along that he was our hero . See nights like these in the past usually ended with me getting hold of north and talking things out seeing things the way he saw them . He had a way of turning anything confusing or unexplained to me and breaking it down so I could see it from ALL sides .. He saw things in ways no one had ever seen them before and Dear God do I need him to break some things down for me now .. but I am sidetracking if you are one of the ones who think what if I was there ? What if I had of stayed? What if? Stop beating yourself up over it there is no way of ever knowing . Live your life be thankful that you knew North , the man and now the legend because he was North Bitch !! He cared for every one of his friends as you cared for him .. OK sorry end of my rant .

Here is my thinking on this some people like to look at themselves as saviors that its somehow their responsibility to save the world so to save anyone and sometimes everyone . Why ? Some people don’t want to be saved sadly and some people can’t be saved . Why as humans so we feel the need to focus on somebody else s issues in life when our own lives are utter disasters maybe not completely but no one is perfect . You are afraid to love . You are afraid to be loved You don’t think you deserve love , You think that you are a destroyer of love . You look to meaningless sex to fill a void that can never be filled . I mean I can go on and on forever . I may not know alot but this past year I have learned a few things . If I am not happy then I am not going to make anyone else happy . I have learned that the heart wants what the heart wants and no amount of sex can change that. I have learned that you need to cherish your friends and family cause they can be snatched from you in a blink of a eye I encourage you to check out the page on facebook and like it . Get to know what a truly unselfish act is and what effects it has had on those that loved him and knew him .
https://www.facebook.com/RememberingSSgtToddNorth

confused

Which one do you choose ? the one you love unconditionally but who will never feel the same for you ? Or A person who loves you unconditionally but whom you will never feel the same for ?It was hard to pick which memories to forget, and which to keep. No matter what I do, there are times when they just come rushing back, like an unwanted visitor that you want to push away but you can’t. I’d forget you if I could. I know that all the pain, disappointments and broken promises don’t negate all that was good. But it would be a whole lot easier to start anew if I had the choice to keep only the happy thoughts, the happy memories.
The reason why most relationships don’t last long is that because most couples are just lovers but they’re not friends. That the relationship they got engaged in was based only on physical attraction, lust if you want to be brutal. It’s like they rushed into a relationship with only their physical admiration for each other not knowing everything that makes a relationship going. So when the physical attraction wore off, nothing hold them back together and the tendency is for them to break up. So just like everyone else is saying, it is better if a couple was not just lovers, but friends as well. So while looking for that someone you wanna give your heart with, you’ll not just going to find a girlfriend/boyfriend in their being, you’re also looking for a bestfriend. It’s not just about hitting two birds in one stone, it’s your heart and your happiness that’s at stake here.

I have never understood how someone can come out and just tell you ” I don’t love you anymore . ” So causually just rolling off your tongue aftr all the words and promise of forever after all the memories how do you just STOP loving someone? Yo can not just suddenly have a change of heart . You either love me still or You never did ..

hanging by a thread

This bullshit. Don’t say something you don’t fucking mean. And don’t say you’ll do something that you know you’ll never end up doing. Don’t get someone’s hopes up because disappointment is one of the most painful feelings in the world. I don’t understand. I don’t understand. I don’t fucking understand all of this sadness. It’s becoming all that I am. It’s absorbing me. It’s drowning me. I can barely breathe anymore. I look into the mirror and all I see is pain filling my eyes. Every night I cry myself to sleep, and that sleep lasts about 3 hours. And when I wake up, I wish I hadn’t. I just want to be numb and emotionless. My heart is a huge part of who I am and I’m starting to feel as if that’s a bad thing. I can’t take the hurt. Or the letdowns. Everything I once knew is shattering around me and all I can do is sit here and watch helplessly. I wonder how much more I can take. My guess is not much longer.Sometimes I want to give up. Sometimes I don’t give a fuck. I want to stop most of the time. I feel more lost than ever and I feel like I’ll never find my place. It breaks my heart knowing that things fall into place for some, but not for everyone. What if I’m not one of those people? I just want things to work out. Why do I feel as if nothing will? I need a miracle. I need an epiphany. I need something to give me faith and hope. I’ve lost god, I’ve lost ambition to do the things that I love. Everyone around me is packing up and moving away. I see them leaving. I feel them drifting. I wonder things have to be this way, why is this has become a chapter of life. College. Who decided to make these standards that every single person has to conform to? ’The American Dream’ is a fucking lie. A guideline. A made up milestone. Who said you need to do this or you become a failure in life? You get looked down upon. I don’t get it. I guess I never will. I never believed this bullshit, a college degree doesn’t buy you happiness, it buys you acceptance. That’s the fucking American Dream. It’s what we’ve been taught. Don’t get me wrong, it’s really great to make goals and become successful, but think about it. These colleges that are somewhat decent charge us up to 65,000$ A FUCKING YEAR. It puts our families or ourselves in debt for years. It disgusts me. It makes my head spin, more than usual (and that’s a lot). Maybe I should stop ranting now. Maybe I’ll never understand. Maybe I’m not meant to. Point is, people should do what makes them happy and hope that everything will turn out okay, not feel obligated and trapped to follow the milestones that society has put down for us. And as long as you accept yourself, you will find happiness. All I know is that I want my heart to find rest and safety. But I wonder if that will ever happen for me. I’m scared. I’m lost. I’m trapped. I just want to belong somewhere. But for now, I’m stuck here wondering what my outcome will be. I can’t pray for guidance. I can’t pray for happiness. He, she, it, left my side a long time ago. So I’m walking alone once again. What else is new? Wish me luck.

Today was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing I don’t have.

How could I not love you? No one has ever affected me like you do. When you told me goodbye , I tried to let you go. I told myself it was the best thing for you because you wanted it. But you’re wrong. I’m good for you even it you don’t know it yet. I know because I’ve never been good enough for anyone before Maybe the reason why you have to stop loving a person is because fate chose both of you to be friends, where forever is a lot more possible.

The best feeling in the world is knowing you finally took a step in the right direction, a step towards the future where everything that you never thought was possible is possible. When he left, you spent all your energy holding on to him. You could be happy if you let go.Bad stuff does happen sometimes. Always remember that, but remember that you have to move on, somehow. You pick up your head and stare at something beautiful like the sky, or the ocean and you move the hell on.There will come a time in your life when you become absolutely infatuated with a single soul. For this person, you’d do anything & not think twice about it, but when asked why, you have no answer. You’ll try your whole life to understand how a single person can affect you as much as they do, but youdon’t let anyone ever promise you that they won’t ever hurt you because at one time or another, it’ll happen. the real promise is if the time you spent together will be worth the pain in the end.

it’s like he’s driving a car and i just want to be in the passenger seat. he’s locked the door and i have to hold onto the bumper. i am not even asking him to open the door for me, just leave it unlocked and say come in, but he didn’t do that. so i am hanging on to the bumper and life goes on. and the car goes on and i get really badly bruised and i’m hitting potholes and it hurts, it really hurts. so yesterday i had to let go of the bumper because it hurts too much.
I’ll never find out. & no matter how badly it hurts or how badly you hate it, you’ll love this person for the rest of your life without regret.
I can choose to let it define me, confine me, refine me, outshine me, or I can choose to move the fuck on and leave it behind me

We think we know who we are but we don’t, not until something bad happens to us
I thought you’d always be the one constant in my life, the one person I could rely on, I was wrong.

It’s not hard to find someone that will tell you they love you. It’s hard to find someone who actually means it.
If I was meant to be controlled, I would have came with a remote.

I’ve been treated like shit by too many people, I have my guard up at all times, and I’ve built walls because I’m afraid to ever get hurt again. I’m stubborn because if I’m not I get walked all over. I cry easy because I’m emotional and a wreck. I don’t Make sense half the time because I have too many things run through my head at once. I’m not an easy person to understand.
And it just feels like my insides are in this constant battle, where one part of me just wants to be happy, confident, fine without you. But the other part…the other part just wants you to see just how you affect me, and exactly what you’ve done to me You know when you’re singing along with this song, and you know all the words cause you really love it. Then a train passes or a door closes, and you can’t hear the music anymore, but you keep singing anyway. Then, when you can hear it again, you’re still perfectly in time with it. Well, that’s what love is.

i used to stress him, find ways to impress him, now i think less of him, just wish the best for him.

Sometimes I think

Sometimes I like to think about how differently my life would be if I didn’t meet a specific person. What would I have done during the moments that I was with them if I never met them? Would I end up meeting somebody else that would have the same exact impact that they had on me? Everyone that has walked in and out of my life has had an affect on my life one way or another, and I just can’t help but wonder how my life would be if I never met the people that I’ve met.I dont want to waste my time crying over someone that wont cry over me
I dont want to waste my time missing someone that wont spend a second missing me
I dont want to think about someone that wont think about me
And I definitely dont want to be heart broken over someone that doesnt feel the same pain as me.

Attachment
To me that’s one of my biggest fears. Getting attached to someone will only lead to unrealistic expectations which will eventually lead to disappointment. When I’m attached to someone that means I care for that person a lot more than I should be. I’m constantly checking my phone to see if it’s from them. My mind is all around them when I know that they probably won’t even think twice about me or my feelings
I dont want that half ass shit from people, I want the real thing. I want someone I know I can trust and rely on. Someone who can be there for me at any time of the day, whether its 3pm or 3am, they’ll be there to comfort me or just talk to me. Someone who I know regardless of anything they wont judge me or make assumptions about me. Someone who can genuinely care for me We all crave what we can’t have though.

Sometimes I like to act as if I’m okay
So I won’t have to deal with people Bothering me asking me what’s wrong

Even when I’m surrounded by many, I still feel lonely
No matter how many people are around me, a small part of me deep inside still feels as if I’m all alone. It feels like no one can understand me, no one can be there for me, no one can stay in my life long enough to know me…That’s why I don’t find it necessary to get that close to many because eventually they’ll end up leaving you anyways. I much rather walk away myself, than have them walk away from me.
Trust

What is trust? I truly want to know the meaning behind trust, because in my mind I honestly don’t think ANYONE knows the meaning of it. Everyone is always telling you that they wont hurt you, abandon you, or screw you over because you can trust that they won’t. But ironically, it’s always the people that tells you that they won’t act upon those actions that are harming you. Trust is like a game. You play it well it takes you far, but with one wrong move its game over.

I guess you could say I miss having that thing.
One of the exciting things in life is just having that thing with someone. I feel like my life is boring without somebody there to hold and flirt around with, better yet to even call my own. Like when I’m out with my friends and they’ve got something going on with somebody, I’m just standing there noticing how fun that relationship looks. It just makes me feel that much more lonesome.

Prove me wrong

I want a guy to show me that he’s genuinely interested in me for me not just for my looks. Its just so tiring always having guys approached me only because they find me “sexy” , “hot” etc. I feel demeaned having them say that to me, I’m not a piece of meat stop treating me like one. I much rather have a guy tell me that I’m “beautiful” or “gorgeous”. It shows a much more aspiring side of a guy. I don’t want to attract your attention if you’re only in it to “get it”, I want to attract your attention because you’re able to see beyond my looks and imperfection.

I’m sick of heart breaks, heart aches, boys and their egos. I can’t believe I’ve wasted the words “I love you” on some jackass. I’m such a fucking fool, I’ll never forgive myself for that

“Don’t quit because something went wrong. Quit because you tried the hardest and nothing made it better. the thing about life that I’ve learned is that you’re going to get hurt. You’re going to have emotional nights and cry yourself to sleep for hours. You’re going to suffer some kind of heartbreak, some kind of loss. But you will also have those moments where you heal. Those moments are the best. You feel like you smile for the first time again. You feel like you’re alive again. Life just kind of restarts.

People keep on saying that you should always follow your heart. But when your heart gets broken into pieces, which piece should you follow? when he dumped me, my heart was like a glass which was torn apart into pieces. Everyday, with the support of my friends, I try to re-arrange the pieces. But sometimes, when the pieces are starting to be arranged well, I remember him, I wonder if his life is better without me, it was torn apart into pieces again it is the time to tell my friends, who are great people and can make me feel better and stronger to arrange the pieces (again).. I’m so glad if you can be one of them too

When I look back to the first time I was without him, I am better, so much better right now.. I thank God for it.. I don’t know what my future will be, without him, but I will try to make it perfect.. I hope I can.. I hope I will be free from a broken heart as soon as possible and find that my life is just perfect.. When I date someone, I date him with all my heart I never imagined that one night we would fight and he would dump me.I didn’t want to believe it since everything seemed so perfect. So knowing he never really loved me made me so angry. I guess i was angry at both him and myself He said sorry but i don’t care. “Sorry” is just a simple words produced by human, the case is he hurt me..

The next days I couldn’t stop crying because the deep feeling I have for him. I missed him, I felt incomplete without him..

I will find my strength somehow. It is sad to know he thinks his ex is better than me, but I won’t cry for it. I resent him because when he was bored with me, he still kissed me and said “I love you” which is a lie and I believed him . But I will not cry anymore . I don’t know why but perhaps it is because I now realize he is not worth my tears, my pure love.. It is cliche, I know, but it happens. I realize that it is he, who is not worthy it his he who sucks and a liar, and an ass. I realize he is not that perfect guy. I still remember him, our sweet time. But i try hard to forget it and forget him. I believe, one day i will find a man, who is better than him. I hope he will regret his choice someday ( haha, i know it’s wrong but OMG, I am really mad at him, although I still love him..). YEa, right now i try to re-arrange my broken heart. I walk on and I am getting better..!!But to be honest, my heart is still broken. It might not be horrible.. but it is missing a few pieces here and there. With scars all over. But I try not to show it. am not okay. I try to be for the people around me but if i had no one to pretend for… i’d be.. I dont even know how i could manage…

So now whenever I see him I just think of the good things that happened while I was with him.

The smiles, the kisses shared, hugs, the happiness.. and just the fact that he was a filter to who was really my friend.

I try not to think of the bad stuff.. like the fact I lost my bestfriend..

I changed with him.. like not to make him like me change but.. change. I still love him, but I hate him for that. I hate him for letting me go from his life. I miss him. I want the memories to disappear, but I’ll never forget him, and how happy I was being his Melancholy. I never loved anyone the way I loved him, I never fought for anyone the way I did for him. And that’s something anyone can doubt, but a truth no one can take from me.

discovered the only diffrence between high school and adult hood is a mortage .

Will this yearning inside of me every go away? Will you ever stop crossing my mind in those moments when I finally feel like I’ve made progress? Will I ever stop imagining your touch when I need someone in my darkest hours? But mostly, will the pain of missing you ever stop?

The ones where you gave it your all. The ones you felt that they would be there for you for the whole time. But something happened, or even nothing happened at all. Whatever it was, it caused the friendship to fade. And that friendship turned into acquaintances, and then into strangers.

All I wanted was someone who wants to hang out with me all the time thinks I am the most awesome person in the world and wants to have sex with me more than anyone else . Is this a immpossiable . I have discovered that I am never going to be anyones first choice . I will never be anyone favorite people tell me that I am important to them that I mean alot to them and that I will always be special but in the end I know that they will alwyas pick someone else over me .

I am going to rant for a moment So during this break up I was asked a question last night by him in a text message no less . So how many sexual partnets have you really had ? Really 6 months into a relationship ans you aske this question AFTER you break up with me ?? what the hell?

This is one of those rude and ridiculous questions vanilla people repeatedly ask one another as they fuck their way through their early twenties.

While the answer means next to nothing, the question itself speaks volumes about a middle-minded American sexuality built on little more than thinly…

I had a moment once upon a time , lying in some post-coital afterglow with two good friends. The moment I realised that I can’t really say for sure how many people I’ve had sex with.

What about those guys I had a long term relationship with where we “only” had oral sex? Do they count?

What about the girls I’ve kissed and sucked and fingered within the context of a MFF threesome? Do they count?

Does that guy who drunkenly gave me a hand-job outside a party count? We TRIED to have sex, but he couldn’t keep his erection with a condom, and it was cold out there in the garden.

If I can’t remember it, does it count? If I didn’t enjoy it, does it count?

There was that guy I drunkenly fucked once and never again. He pulled my total from five to six, yet a man I loved and spent countless hours with during our year together, loving, exploring, fucking, spanking – he pulls my total from six to seven. That change in number doesn’t express how much MORE he was. How much bigger and fuller within my sexual growth and experience. If he only gets to move my number by one place, it feels like some people should only get decimal points.

What about those delicious make-outs in club toilets with beautiful strangers? The heaviest of petting? They don’t get numbers at all. But some of those experiences were more memorable, more cherished, than the one night stand that happened to involve a penis in my vagina.

The more I think about it, the more that keeping track of the numbers just doesn’t even make sense. The numbers aren’t fair. They aren’t logical. They can never describe the weight or importance of each individual, or lack thereof.

The number “One”, the “First,” sometimes gets this big special party made about it, but if you were like me, there were many firsts, many important moments and people, evolutions of self and sex that occurred whilst I was still supposedly stuck on zero. I bought it then, but I don’t now.

Quite frankly, I’m still having firsts. Still having moments of surprise and wonder, those moments of “Oh! I’ve never done this before,” or “This has never never felt like this!” And I want to keep doing that. I don’t want it ever to end, the experiences disappearing under this pile of depersonalised fucking numbers.

I don’t give a shit about the number. Tell me about the people. Tell me about your favourite fucks, your most magical moments. Tell me about your first, if it matters, or don’t if it doesn’t. Tell me about your journey. Share some intimacy with me. I promise I will never reduce you to a number.

last night he told me He loved me ….

All I could do was stare at him in disabelif what do I say ? how do  I respond . I kept quiet and smiled . I decided to just wait I am hoping for that good morning text saying He is sorry that it was the crown talking . He said I was safe as long as I was with him noone would hurt me he would never let that happen that all he wanted was for me to be his because he loved me . There it is that word again ..

Every word I’ve spoken this week has been a call for help. Maybe small, maybe masked, maybe disguised as something different, the fact remains the same, you weren’t there. You never were.
Look at us. What the fuck have we become? I lost control of me. Looking back, it was probably something stupid, so, tell me, why can’t I build a bridge and get over it? The thoughts have been overwhelming and I don’t know where to turn anymore.
People always talk. Is there really any point in speaking anymore? No one hears me.
I don’t tell anyone anything. Not even those I surround myself with. The secrets are consuming me, choking me, dragging me deeper and deeper into the ground we bury our shit in.
But it’s my fault, really. Should have kept my legs closed. Should have kept my mouth shut. Should have put the bottle down.

Beware of the word friend.
It can often be used by men or the women that
love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior.
Personally, when I’m picking friends,
I like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep

The text has yet to come instead I got

Him : Good Morning my pretty eyes .. hope I did not do or SAY anything last night to offend you . when I drink i become less able to control what I say and what I feel ..

Me : ummm .. Good morning and not offended just need to think about it for a while .. U said it alot not only to me but to EVERYONE in flyers and redneck. I think everyone in newport and Havelock now know you love me ..which will have its on issues …

Do I Love him ? I do not know I do care for him for many reasons

He trust me to make my own choices and that I’m not going to make the wrong one. Hes not one to call me out on stuff because he trust me. And even if he may not trust the other person he knows if something happen or I know that I can trust him to back me up because we don’t lie to each other. We lay out only the truth on the table no secrets between us.

There is something much different about this relationship. More openness… its just easier to be me. Easier to talk and just be my self where before I cared what people say and thought but with him everything’s just laid back where I know, know matter what  hes always here through think and thin

I dont think he knows this, but hes the only person that can manage to make me laugh, smile, feel beautiful and forget about everything else.
He blocks out my pain, my worries, my secrets and my anxiety and he doesn’t even know he does it.
i wish i could explain to him, somehow, how he does it, but i simply have no idea, he just does, and i hope it never ever stops. hes not perfect, no one ever is, but he is perfect to me, for me. everything he is and will be i will love and cherish, all the strange sounds and odd actions and the faces he pulls i will remember and never ever forget.

This morning, last night, the past 2 months have been the best moments and memories i have ever had. i feel blissed out and love drunk, but i still cant get enough of him. no amount of time spent with him would ever be enough.

I learned alot about falling in love when I fell out of love . I have learned alot about being a friend when I was alone .

Why am I so comfortable with telling you everything; good or bad. I shouldn’t be sharing my life with you

Someone is going to get hurt and I am scared to death its going to be me or worse its going to be me . I don’t think I can stand the thought of hurting you .

The problem with getting attached is getting attached. Letting someone in – letting your walls down, trusting, forgiving, letting one person dictate your mood, simply letting one person in and allowing them to stay in – it’s scary. Why? Because nothing is guaranteed, nothing is permanent, and feelings and people change.I always hate getting attached to people. Especially someone who I end up having really strong feelings for. They tell you they promise it’ll be different. They won’t hurt you and of course, you believe them. Because you just have hope that, maybe it really will be different this time. But, then they end up leaving and you start blaming yourself. What did you do wrong? It’ll bug the fuck out of you. You’ll feel lost without them because they were the only person you ever wanted to talk to or be with. They were everything you thought about all day. You’ll be really hurt. You’ll think that you’re so stupid for falling for this, again. You’ll cry, a lot. You’ll want them back. You’ll have this little hope that maybe, just maybe they’ll change their minds and come back into your life. The truth be told, getting attached just really sucks. But, in time, you’ll be okay.I can feel myself getting closer. I can feel myself getting attached again. I’m scared. I’m absolutely scared because I’m afraid I’ll be too much again. I’m afraid that I’m going to get too clingy and it would ruin things. I’m scared. Absolutely scared. You’ll never find out that you’re attached until it’s too late. It becomes a complete accident, there is no alarm to tell us that we’re attached. You know when you’re attached to someone when you stop hearing from them and you start missing them dearly. You start asking yourself, “Why did I get attached? How did this happen?” The truth is that it was a mistake, it’s something you can’t prepare yourself for nor protect yourself from. It’s inevitable. It’s life

How to know when it’s the right time to ‘get attached’

Never.

Lol no but seriously, there’s a wrong and a sort of right time when it’s okay to get closer and what not with someone you’re interested in..

It’s definitely a bad idea to be any sort of clingy in the beginning. The way you act towards them in the beginning is sort of like a heads up to them on how your relationship could go, if there’s even a possibility of there being one. Think of it as a first impression kind of thing. If they’re having any thoughts about you, you don’t want any of these thoughts to be about how much you’re on top of them. The beginning is usually the time when you’re truly just getting to know the person; and during this time period, there’s no such thing as a time limit. Take as long as you want to get to know this person. You gotta be able to know how this person acts when they’re happy, sad, upset, etc. Getting to know them is extremely vital for the fact that you’re going to be pursuing a relationship with them, and you don’t want any bad surprises in the future lol. Friendship is key. It’s what you’re building everything on top of. The only difference between a friendship and a relationship is that there’s love involved.. but the friendship stays. And never changes. Back to being attached though; if you take things slow, there won’t be no problems with clingyness and attachment. No one likes suffocation from another human being lol.

I mean there’s really no okay time to be attached (even though some people are okay with it, it varies) but I’m assuming it’s pretty normal if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it’s almost natural. As long as it’s not excessive, of course.

You really do save a lot of unnecessary emotions from not getting too attached. Nothing with love is ultimately permanent, so it’s best to just keep that in your head. That doesn’t mean that no relationship you’ll be in won’t be permanent; it’s just easier to go with the flow sometimes. No expectations, no disappointments I do this to myself everytime. I promise myself that I won’t get too attached..and then I go and get attached. I don’t understand anymore. I don’t know what I want from life anymore. I don’t get why I can’t just be happy with everything that I have? Alhamdulillah, I have so much. SO MUCH. so then why can’t I just be happy? Why can’t I just live my life instead of overanalyzing every single conversation I have. Why can’t I just take that as a conversation, and have it mean nothing else to me?

I wish I could just turn my brain off.